Bombshells: When the Doors of Life Burst Open

Dreams are complicated at best by nature. There is so much symbolism involved that it is sometimes hard to decipher their intention without writing it down. However, sometimes our dreams are so vivid that they appear all too real to us. Basically, they may serve as a springboard to the things that bother us, delight us and bring out our fears.

This week’s House was probably the most controversial of the season with an outcome few expected but didn’t completely throw out of the realm of possibility. As the teaser suggested to fans, this was all going to be about House and Cuddy when Cuddy conveys to House that blood has appeared in her urine. The health crisis seems to open doors of fear and worry on both sides of the fence and a decision that would change the course of the show for the season.

Even though House and Cuddy’s drama played out, the patient of the week in my eyes could not be ignored as there were aspects of him that were related to House. Let me take the easy road first and go to our patient of the week, a boy named Ryan who is spitting up blood. It isn’t House’s detachment from the case that’s intriguing, but how he is somewhat attached in spirit to this boy. You see…one aspect that seemed to have been forgotten in this episode wasn’t just House’s penchant for Vicodin, but his battle with depression as well. We learn that the patient of the week is depressed and had tried to talk to his parents about it. However, Ryan tells Taub that his parents end up taking it personally and then he has to try to make them feel better. He finishes by saying that his parents don’t “get” him and neither does anyone else. So, what has Ryan been doing to ease his depressive state? He smokes pot.

In my head I kept thinking, with Cuddy being sick and the prospect of it being serious with the possibility that she could die, House may have been feeling depressed. Wilson had dismissed House’s feelings of not being at Cuddy’s bedside as being all about House, but what if it wasn’t? House kept deflecting that they didn’t know if there was a real problem yet, but what if he was holding back his thoughts all the while? Maybe House felt no one would understand what was going on inside him or that they would just dismiss his problems. Thinking no one understands him, he’s alone in dealing with the situation especially when things potentially take a turn for the worse. Cuddy’s enhanced results suggest that she may indeed be dying of cancer. Having had all this happiness for some time, the prospect of losing it becomes too great. With no one to talk to, because House is internalizing his pain, he does what he can to cope….he takes Vicodin to numb the emotional pain. We cannot forget that House is no longer seeing Nolan and in turn mustn’t be on anti-depressants anymore. Therefore he does the only thing he knows will help. He goes back to drugs. I wonder what would have happened if anyone did take the time to ask House if he were okay or if he wanted to talk about it. No one asked him that question, because no one did understand, I think. Just like Ryan. Knowing House could come unhinged when dealt with a devastating situation, no one bothered to search for him when he was gone most of the night and day. Did people forget about Hannah that quickly? House was helpless in the situation. Also, just as Ryan said that selling drugs was a one-time thing, House told Cuddy that taking the Vicodin was a one-time thing. But the question becomes, is that a truthful declaration on either account? It’s also interesting to note a conversation between Foreman and Taub. As they are in Ryan’s room, Taub conveys to Foreman that he can empathize with this kid and his misery. Yet, Foreman says, “Don’t think fixing this kid is going to fix you.” I was reminded of House asking Cuddy when she came to him in “Help Me,” “Do you think I can fix myself? Because I’m the most screwed up person in the world.” Was Foreman foreshadowing the outcome of House and Cuddy’s situation? Because House hasn’t been fully able to fix himself with happiness, how much would this crisis put him in misery? We now know the answer to that question as his demons came back to haunt him in the form of Vicodin.

In the same regard, was Ryan’s mother channeling everyone’s thoughts about House when she tells Taub that her son has had a rough few years in high school but that she felt he’d come out of it. This was after Taub informs the parents that their son could be a violent ticking time bomb to his classmates and that he needed help. The parents were more set on Taub and the team making their son better than worrying about the consequences he could face if allegations were brought against him.

Did everyone feel that House just had a rough couple of years and that he was doing fine since Mayfield? Were they in denial that something like this crisis could make him slip? As Wilson suggested to Foreman, either House would get over himself and be the man Cuddy needed him to be or he wouldn’t. After re-watching, I wondered if that was a fair assessment. When something emotionally dramatic happens to House, he feels the impact through pain. For everyone to dismiss that idea but Foreman, was a bit odd to me. I give Cuddy a free pass on this, because she was the crisis trigger. House wasn’t going to very well tell her what was going on in his mind, even though Cuddy subconsciously already knew.

Throughout Cuddy’s ordeal, I felt House was deflecting left and right because he didn’t want to face the reality of what could happen. As a nephrologist, House knew what things could cause blood in Cuddy’s urine. In his mind, I think he was trying to not focus on the worst not for Cuddy but for his own sanity. Any ominous news would not sit well with him, since he’s finally found a good place to be. However, his fears are blown open when he dreams of his team as zombies attacking him and Cuddy.

In examining House’s dream, we see he is dressed in his motorcycle jacket, t-shirt and jeans. Usually, clothes signify how one is perceived in life (Silvana Amar, 2007). One might interpret that House’s clothing in the dream in one of rebellion perhaps. The presence of zombies can signal detachment from a situation as it leaves one aimlessly wondering what to do in terms of an issue that may be difficult to confront. With House’s team as the zombies and Cuddy being the victim, I wondered why that could have been. In the previous episode, House confesses that his relationship with Cuddy hinders his patient care. Part of that struggle could have been playing out in the dream. The team represents the medicine. The medicine prevents him from making an emotional connection with Cuddy to help her in her time of need. The fear of the facts prevents him from being there emotionally where the facts are not needed. It’s part of breaking out of that comfort zone. In House’s dream, he uses two weapons to attack his zombie team as his cane transforms into an ax and gun. The ax, according to Silvana Amar, is a “powerful tool” which could represent the dreamer’s frustration and anger. I think this is very true to what House could have been experiencing….anger that she could be dying and frustration that he was unable to be there consciously to help her both emotionally and physically. One of Amar’s descriptions of the gun representation I think fit House best in his situation. A gun could have been symbolic of House trying to protect himself emotionally. To ward off his fear and pain, he was gunning down the team who was either detached from him or too close to him in terms of getting into his head. The culmination of House’s nightmare was being too late to save Cuddy from his zombie team. Although it had appeared he had killed them, they were alive and eating Cuddy. In essence, his happiness was being eaten away.

Then we have Cuddy who is the focus of the crisis and who had held out hope that House would eventually come to her side in her time of need. At the onset of her diagnosis, she hires a lawyer and begins drafting a will and thinking about who would be a suitable guardian for her daughter Rachel. When faced with the unknown, I can understand why Cuddy would take these measures because sometimes people don’t always think about these issues until something pushes them to assess their life. Although people may have been wondering why Cuddy chose her sister as Rachel’s guardian and not House, the answer is very simple. Because House and Cuddy were not married and their future was uncertain, it’s usually a safe bet to appoint a family member as a guardian. It’s very natural and normal. It also lessens the burden for House, since that would be a huge responsibility for him. After Cuddy has a meeting with her sister, we are taken to the first of her dreams in which House raises Rachel as a bit of a delinquent and a “tax write off.” Naturally, this type of dream could have been subliminally fueled by Julia’s assessment that Cuddy has talked about House in a negative way for the last ten years. With that worry and thought in mind, it’s no wonder Cuddy’s thoughts turned to House and not being the model parent in the event of her death. Plus, in the dream Cuddy received her first subconscious clue as House was chewing gum in it.

I know fans were put off by Cuddy’s comment to her sister that “people change.” I was taken aback at first as well until I processed the conversation. Julia was talking about House as being a jerk, but she hasn’t been around him since his stint in Mayfield and doesn’t really know him as much as Cuddy. Cuddy’s comment could have just been in relation to the idea that House isn’t a complete jerk and that she’s seen the good sides of him, especially in this relationship. In that instance, it’s a truthful comment and doesn’t necessarily take away from the idea that Cuddy doesn’t want House to change who he is as was illustrated in “Now What?”

In her second dream, Cuddy paints this ideal scenario for herself of a House who is there when she arrives home, spends time with Rachel and cooks. Clue two in Cuddy’s subconscious happens when House wants to give Rachel a lollipop but eats it himself. We then have a clean cut Wilson delivering a birthday cake for Cuddy’s twenty-ninth birthday even though it’s not. As House goes to get the cake, Cuddy notices he is not limping and suddenly she realizes that this picture perfect dream is nothing more than that and utterly impossible.

As House’s presence is still missing by her bedside, Cuddy falls into another dream ala Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid in which she and House are re-enacting the final scene of the movie. As they begin conversing about their plans in the dream if they escape, House eats a candy bar which serves as another subconscious clue for Cuddy. She notices in the dream that in all of her dreams House was eating candy. House just chalks this up to being stressed at work in the dream. But Cuddy knew it meant something, since she’s been hoping House would figure out a way to handle the fact that she could very well be dying. Thinking, she wonders if the symbols just mean that he can’t handle it because he’s still a child. As has been House’s mantra in reality in the last few episodes, he tells Cuddy in the dream that he can do better. She answers him that it “might be too late.” As they run out to the firing squad, Cuddy finds that she is alone.

In order to process what Cuddy was experiencing at that particular point, we have to remember that up until this point House was nowhere to be found. She was going through her turmoil alone. In her thoughts, she probably wondered if this is how it was going to be…that she would have to deal with this alone because House was unable to handle the situation and be there for her. I understand many have different viewpoints on this subject. Speaking from my own experience, when I was sick in the hospital, it was a comfort to have members of my family there to take my mind off things. It was a welcomed distraction. However, when they left, that’s when I felt scared and lonely. To have someone there to just talk about things other than my illness, it was a relief. Therefore, I can sympathize with Cuddy in that regard. But I also understand House’s feelings at that point as well. When looking at my grandfather and uncle dying of cancer, it was hard to see them in those final days. Although I was there, I didn’t want their weakened appearance to be the last thing I saw. I wanted to remember them as they used to be. At this point, House probably didn’t know what to say to her or how to be there for her. But for Cuddy, I understand that just his appearance, not saying a word, would have been a comfort to her. She was alone.

After her western dream, she awakens to find House has come to be with her. For that moment, she is given peace of mind. As she is going into surgery, House is the last image she sees as she is put under anesthesia. This grand musical number of “Get Happy” plays out in her dream. The song itself is about dying but rejoicing in the light. According to Silvana Amar, when you hear a song or music in your dreams it is a positive sign and a signal that you are entering a more “spiritual plain.” It’s also interesting to note the colors used in Cuddy’s dream….red and white. White is usually associated with purity in the spiritual sense. According to Amar, red usually represents passion, sexuality, anger or a mere warning. In this regard, I can see the red splashes as a bit of passion but maybe a subconscious warning as well. Cuddy dances with House in the dream and Amar says that dancing signifies joy and happiness. However, another thing that could fit in terms of Cuddy’s dream and state of mind is that it may signal an attempt to “balance negativity and stress” that she feels in her life. House also appears in the sequence to break glass with his cane. Again according Amar, the breaking glass could represent the “breaking of both negative and positive things” such as the breaking of “illusions, denial and deception” or the shattering of dreams. In her dream, could Cuddy have been seeing House break the glass as a symbol of shattering her illusion? As he holds his cane to pull her towards him, the cane turns into a candy cane, which is another clue. She is confused at first but gets lost in the levity of the dream. It’s a carnival like atmosphere of happiness until they begin to run up the stairs to infinity. House falls behind and Cuddy is left running up the stairs alone. Usually heading up stairs signals a move in a positive direction. She suddenly awakens on her gurney within the dream before she hits the top of the stairs. Then, she awakens for real with House by her side. Cuddy tells House that a lot of her fears she can lock behind doors, but that her ordeal made those doors burst wide open.

Through her dreams we came to understand that Cuddy feared House’s handling of her situation, since she understands he’s sensitive to tragedy. She feared for the future of her daughter if she died. Plus, she may have even felt a bit sad that her dream with House and a perfect life could never be possible, because he can’t be the man he needs to be for her.

Cuddy experiences an epiphany when she realizes that her subconscious was telling her House would have to take Vicodin to get through the ordeal to dull his emotional pain. Vicodin was what the candy represented in her dream. She realizes that although House came to be with her that first night, he wasn’t really there because he was “stoned.” Yet, it wasn’t the Vicodin that disappointed her. It was the very fact that he couldn’t feel her pain enough to help her through it. He was focused on only his pain. He wasn’t really there when she needed him the most. Her hope and dream of that was shattered. Although he tells her it was just a one-time thing, I think Cuddy began to question what would happen if something tragic like this happened again. Because House hasn’t maintained any kind of therapy to help him through his issues, this idea of a one-time thing may not be that. Cuddy’s ability to be able to deal with her problems and with his becomes too much to bear. Even though Cuddy’s ordeal was over, she did make a valid point that if he can’t forget about his own pain in order to help the one he loves through theirs, then things just can’t work between them. As much as it pained her to do it because she is indeed in love with him, she had to say goodbye. I don’t think she wanted to end things with him as evidenced by her crushing sobs in front of her sister, but House gave her no choice.

I recognize that Cuddy’s actions could be construed as heartless, because House begged her not to end things. I can even understand how one might consider her actions selfish. One thing we must remember about Cuddy though is this….throughout the course of the series she has been the one to get House to face reality and the consequences of his actions. She has gotten him to take a good look at himself. Although she may have ended things with him now, perhaps it was her way of telling him that he needs to work on himself first and deal with his issue of pain before he can come back to her again. Whether or not this is the best way to do it remains to be seen. But House believes in actions far above all things. Thus, maybe this was her wake up call to him to try and heal himself. She can’t help him if he doesn’t help himself first.

In the same regard, House has said how much he needs Cuddy in his life. She is/was his main source of happiness and hope. Now that she’s gone, what hope is there left for him? She broke his heart in his eyes, when he tried his very best to be there the best way he knew how. Was it the right way? Again that remains to be seen. Mainly because booze and drugs may numb the pain but it doesn’t take it away completely. It will always be there. However, opening up to those who love you can help. To House Cuddy understood his mind and fears and how they worked, but now she’s abandoned him and he’s left to swim in the sea of misery again.

There is no happy ending to this story for either side. It’s tragic and heartbreaking. I went from being sympathetic to Cuddy for the first few days. After watching again, I started feeling sorry for House. Now, I just feel sorry for both of them. No one wanted things to end this way, because House and Cuddy were always in synch with each other from the first season. It was a painful turn of events to watch indeed, but not uncommon in the real world.

I disagree with the idea that House cannot be a good spouse and boyfriend, because who really is the ideal person in life? House has emotional baggage. Does this automatically make him an outcast? Everyone deserves to be loved by someone, in my opinion. And despite how the producers and writers may feel, my beliefs tell me that love can change you. You are fundamentally the same person, but you open yourself up more. Thus, change happens. It’s sad if no one believes that love can heal or change you. Regardless of what kind of love it is or who it’s from, it has the power to make you feel just a little bit better. With the kind of life House has lead, I think he’s entitled to not lead a miserable, lonely life. What kind of a message is that to send? What makes him less worthy of a chance than someone else?

As for Cuddy, she’s been through a lot emotionally herself with infertility, the struggles of adoption, her mother almost dying and her own health scare. Therefore, I feel Cuddy can empathize with House. Why is House not good enough for her then? Just because he has emotional issues and appears selfish on the surface? Aren’t we all a little selfish? Don’t we all have issues?

I could say more about this episode but I’m late in posting my thoughts as it is. I know everyone has something to say about the things brought up in the episode. I tried to be objective in this article and not take sides. My goal was to try and get readers to see both sides of the fence from the perspective of both characters. I hope I was able to do that for you.

Everyone paid a price in this episode, including Ryan when Taub turned in the flash drive copy of his threats to his classmates. Question is….what happens now? Where do we go from here?

Again thank you for your kind attention and for reading. I could have said so much more about this episode, but I’d be here forever. As always I’d love to hear from you. Who side did you take and why or do you feel sorry for both House and Cuddy? Where do you think things will go from here?

This has been another edition of Diagnosing House. Thanks for reading!

The dream symbolism came from the book The Bedside Dream Dictionary, Silvana Amar, 2007, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.